Loving God. Loving People.

#003 - Loneliness

August 25, 2020 Sun Valley Community Church
Loving God. Loving People.
#003 - Loneliness
Show Notes Transcript

How are we doing as Americans in dealing with loneliness? In a recent study in 2019, 61% of Americans identified themselves as lonely. Through scripture, we learn that loneliness is not talking about a physical state you may find yourself in, but more about your state of mind and spirit. Remember this - you are not alone in your loneliness. Join us for this crucial conversation on yet another “epidemic” that is infecting our cultural moment.

Make sure to subscribe to our podcast where you are listening to us so you’ll never miss an episode. While you’re at it, if you found value in this conversation we’d love it if you left us a review – or shared this podcast with a friend. Doing that will help us reach and help more people meet know and follow Jesus.

You are always welcome to join us online or in-person for one of our services every week at live.sv.cc.

Referenced in this episode:
Unfiltered Sermon Series - https://bit.ly/34r1AEa

Speaker 1:
Welcome to the Loving God, Loving People podcast, a podcast where we dig deeper into what it looks like to live a life where, in the end, all that matters is God and people. Each week we will have candid and authentic conversations about how every day brings a fresh beginning and that the best is yet to come as we work together to help fulfill the mission that Jesus has given us. Now, here's our host.

Robert Watson:
Well, hey guys. Welcome to our third episode of Loving God, Love People podcast. My name is Robert and I'm here with the Reverend Chad Moore. Lead pastor.

Chad Moore:
I don't ever feel reverent. I appreciate you giving me that. I feel irreverent a lot.

Robert Watson:
Just trying to boost up your title a little bit. But we're going through this podcast talking through what we've been talking about on the weekends. But before I feel like we can dive into this, for those who are watching on YouTube, they might notice at some point, as you talk with your hands, Chad has this gnarly scar, scraped up, bloodied up arm. If you're just listening to this, you just have to imagine that in your mind. So I think everybody needs to know, what is it that a lead pastor is doing that rips up his arm? What's putting you in harm's way that you're all bloodied up right now?

Chad Moore:
Yeah. I'm going to have to mention it in the sermon this weekend because it's just so obvious. So we were camping. We did this thing. You can look it up if you want. Free advertisement right now. Wilderness Collective. We had some friends that took us on this wilderness adventure and we're driving these Can-Am Maverick ATVs, and they're awesome. It's like driving a Batmobile. So Josh, my 17-year-old, and I are in one and we're just pushing it and pushing it and pushing it and I rolled it over. So I scraped my arm, so speeding leads to bleeding. That was my-

Robert Watson:
That was the conclusion?

Chad Moore:
That was my big life lesson right there. Speeding leads to bleeding, but didn't get hurt. Josh is fine. They're made to roll over. We were all strapped in. We had a blast, but I'm coming back bloody. Yeah.

Robert Watson:
Well, it makes you look way tougher than you normally look.

Chad Moore:
Does it?

Robert Watson:
Yeah. Normally with your nicely manicured hands and all that. But right now you're tough as nails dude.

Chad Moore:
Well, my hands are still softer than most women's hands so we'll just go with it. I asked Josh, "What was your favorite part of the trip?" And it was when we rolled over.

Robert Watson:
I bet it was after you had rolled over and he realized he was alive.

Chad Moore:
Yeah. Well, we're laying there. We're on his side. I'm still strapped in. So when I unbuckle, I fall on him. First thing I say, of course, is, "Are you okay?" He goes, "Yeah, dad. Are you okay?" And I go, "Well, my arm's bleeding a little bit, but I'm fine." He's like, "That was awesome, man. That was so cool." But we didn't do it again and for all the guys thinking that's cool, I'm with you and for all the women that are thinking, "Chad, you're an idiot," I agree with that too. So anyway.

Robert Watson:
Well-

Chad Moore:
Thanks for bringing that up, Robert. I appreciate that.

Robert Watson:
Yeah. Yeah. Glad you're okay. Well, we're going to talk about stuff, but it's also good to know Chad's world a little bit and for anybody who's watching it, they're going to be wondering what's the story behind that. So just wanted to hook them up, help them out.

Chad Moore:
That's what happened.

Robert Watson:
All right. So we're talking about loneliness. So as we've been preparing this series, it's the Lord's Prayer and in that Jesus is really giving us remedies to hopelessness, and one of the areas we experience hopelessness is relationally and feeling isolated, feeling alone. Talk through some of the stats that you looked up as far as how we're doing as Americans when it comes to loneliness.

Chad Moore:
Yeah. Well, first of all, I would say anybody that has dealt with loneliness, I'll just tell you what you are. Normal. It's just part of the human condition and maybe, Robert, let's just define. So when we talk about loneliness, we're not talking about being by yourself. There are many times I've been by myself and I didn't feel lonely at all, right? There's been other times I've been with my family at a family reunion and I felt horribly lonely or I was with my wife and I felt lonely cause we were fighting or whatever. Yes. We have disagreements in the pastor's home on occasion and it's probably usually my fault. But anyway, you can feel lonely in your marriage. You can feel lonely in a crowd. So we're really talking about a state of mind and just an emotion. What was the question? I went off somewhere else.

Robert Watson:
You were defining loneliness for us. So to give some parameters, it's not being alone. It's more of a relational disconnect.

Chad Moore:
Yeah. It's a sadness that you feel from being disconnected. It's, honestly, it's unmet expectations. It's this idea of what this relationship is going to be and it's not, what it's supposed to be and it's not. Then sometimes isolation can cause loneliness. You were asking me about statistics. That's what it was. So yeah, I looked it up and this is 2019 stat, a 2019 stat-

Robert Watson:
Yeah. Which is kind of irrelevant in 2020 because-

Chad Moore:
Oh, it's going to be far worse now because COVID hasn't improved anything other than Amazon stock. So I don't know if I should have said that, but anyway, it's out there.

Robert Watson:
We'll edit it out.

Chad Moore:
Yeah. No, just leave it. It's true. Everybody knows it. Okay. So 61% was the stat in 2019 of Americans say that they were lonely.

Robert Watson:
That would on a survey go, "Yeah, that's me. I'm-"

Chad Moore:
Yeah. Yeah. Which is interesting because that's 7% up from the previous year.

Robert Watson:
Okay. So 2018, which I mean, think of 2018, think of 2019 compared to 2020, those years were pretty good.

Chad Moore:
Yeah. I'm going to say 2020, I don't have the stats for it, it's got to be in the 80s or more just because of the reality of what's going on in the world. So loneliness isn't an issue. I would even say we have a loneliness pandemic that's affecting a whole lot more people than COVID is, at least from a viral standpoint. So yeah, it's a big deal. In fact, I learned this from you, you gave a sermon on how pornography affects the mind. It was, I don't remember, a year or two ago. What was the name of that series?

Robert Watson:
That's a great question. That's not the name of the series.

Chad Moore:
Anyway-

Robert Watson:
I don't remember it.

Chad Moore:
You can go back and look it up. I'm picturing the graphic in my mind, but anyway, you talked about how in Great Britain in the UK, they now have a Minister of Loneliness because it's epidemic proportions.

Robert Watson:
Yeah. That's just in recent years. They started surveying people and they found the same thing we're finding in America, that it's such a train wreck in Great Britain that they have somebody now, their whole job is to help people feel relationally connected, to help them not feel isolated, to help them not feel like they're the only person going through what they're going through, which I think that's part of the loneliness too. When you don't have people gathering together, you don't have people having conversations, you don't have people looking each other in the eye and going, "Yeah. I'm dealing with that too," or, "Yeah.,I've been wrestling with that too." You feel that isolation.

Chad Moore:
Yeah. That series was called You Asked For It.

Robert Watson:
Oh, okay.

Chad Moore:
And you talked about sexuality one weekend and the effects of pornography.

Robert Watson:
Perfect. I thought you were just texting friends. I was starting to feel lonely because you just started messing with your phone.

Chad Moore:
Because I was ignoring you. Everybody was on their phone.

Robert Watson:
Yeah. So, okay.

Chad Moore:
You know what? It wasn't that series. It was a different one. I'm going to find it in a second. Let's keep talking about loneliness.

Robert Watson:
Yeah. Well, I'm feeling lonely right now as you're just looking down at your phone, but-

Chad Moore:
This is it.

Robert Watson:
This is-

Chad Moore:
Unfiltered.

Robert Watson:
But this is-

Chad Moore:
Unfiltered was the name of that series.

Robert Watson:
Unfiltered is... Okay.

Chad Moore:
Yeah, but you're making a good point. I mean, we go to a restaurant and all of us are looking at our phones instead of talking to each other.

Robert Watson:
That's right.

Chad Moore:
I have a rule when my wife and I go out on a date. I leave my phone at home or in the car. If, by some chance I need to have it, I don't look at it unless she goes to the restroom or something. She has her phone in case the kids need us. But yeah, we're all looking at our phones. We're all ignoring one another. Social media has not contributed to intimacy.

Robert Watson:
So on social media, I have some however many thousand quote-unquote friends. I find myself instinctively, if I have any gap, any free time, any white space on the calendar that I don't have a meeting, without even thinking about it I'll grab my phone and I'll just start looking at it. In some ways we're connected with all these people and I see what's going on in everybody else's lives, but we're not actually connected. So talk about that psychological...

Chad Moore:
Yeah. Well, it contributes to loneliness. I mean, the fact that the UK had to have this minister. Social media is contributing to that. One of the things I'm going to say in the sermon actually, I'm going to talk about it a little bit, is when you feel lonely, social media is the last thing you should be looking at.

Robert Watson:
Why is that?

Chad Moore:
Because you're comparing the crappiness of whatever's going on in your life to somebody else's highlight reels. What's fascinating about a selfie is most people are alone. I always say it's called a selfie because narcissistie is too hard to spell. That's pretty good, isn't it? Anyway, I laugh at myself. I'm my best audience. I like that joke. But anyway, look at selfies. It's somebody, "Here I am in this beautiful place. Alone." Right? So I'm going to share it with all my... All of that is highlight reels. It's what we want people to think we're experiencing.

Chad Moore:
But you are not alone in your loneliness. It's part of the human condition. Jesus had moments where he had to feel lonely. I mean, when he's in the garden of Gethsemane, he asked Peter and his buddies to pray with him and he comes back and they're sleeping. He's over there sweating drops of blood, agonizing, "Father, if there's any other way, let this cup pass from me." And he comes back and says, "You guys couldn't watch and pray with me for one hour?" Loneliness is part of the human condition. Social media doesn't help. It actually makes it worse, and so we're talking about it. If you let loneliness really take hold of your heart and soul, you start to feel hopeless. Yeah. It's addressed in the Lord's Prayer.

Robert Watson:
Yeah. So when Jesus is teaching us how to pray, because you honed in specifically on, "Our Father in heaven, hallowed be Your name," how is that a remedy for loneliness?

Chad Moore:
Well, the first thing is when Jesus tells us, "This then is how you should pray," He's not saying, "These are the magic words of prayer."

Robert Watson:
Sure. It's a framework. It's a-

Chad Moore:
Yeah. He's saying, "These are the best principles of prayer," and He begins with the word 'our.' Which means there is a spiritual connection that you and I have when we pray together. It's been interesting to me over the past few months. Katrina and I started this prayer time in our home when the pandemic went down and then we moved it to the auditorium and added worship and all that, and how many people have sent me a note and said, "Hey, even though we're online, it's so special. I feel so connected." Well, the truth is they're still in their house by themselves, right? Or maybe with their spouse. But there's a supernatural connection that we have in prayer. Think about all of the familial terms in the Bible when it comes to Christian life. So we call God, like in this prayer, we'll talk about this in a second, Our Father. You're my brother in Jesus. I have sisters in Jesus. We're the family of God. They're all relational terms. There's a spiritual connection in prayer.

Chad Moore:
So when we pray together and we say 'our', there's something powerful about that, whether we're praying together online and I'm praying for you because you sent in a chat request or whether we're in the room. I cannot wait to regather. By the time this goes out, we will have already regathered. But there's just something special and powerful about that. It's very important. Online is a good tool. I'm grateful for it, but in the room's better.

Robert Watson:
So our family, when we did that first prayer gathering, we gathered together in the living room and you and Katrina were just giving a guide. "Hey, pray about this," and then you just give some space. As a dad, hearing my kids take those cues, but then they're talking to God and it wasn't the words they were saying, it was just how they were saying it. It was genuinely, they were connecting with our Father, our heavenly Father. In this whole pandemic, that's been one of my highlights, in all of that. You talk about the highlight reel. I would put that at the top of the list of hearing my kids pray from just a genuine heart, a relational connection with God, it was the best. And it did, it unified us as a family. And then we got done and everybody went to their own rooms, played video games, whatever. But it was a moment praying together as a family that it's hard to replicate that or-

Chad Moore:
Yeah. Well, and you have that spiritual connection that's a mystery of, it's your kids, you're the dad, but you're also their brother spiritually. Which is this amazing, wonderful, wonderful thing. I don't even know that we can articulate it fully.

Robert Watson:
What that is. Yeah.

Chad Moore:
Yeah. But it's amazing. So there's the 'our' side to it. It connects us spiritually. The Holy Spirit connects us to God and to each other. There's a supernatural thing there. And then of course, Father is that intimate term. When you hear somebody else pray, so intimacy is, this sounds cheesy but it helps us remember, it's intimacy. When I pray, the real me is coming out if I'm really praying, right? If I'm faking it or putting on a show, maybe not. But real prayer is intimacy. You want to know what your spouse is thinking? Pray with them. It's a very powerful, intimate, beautiful thing. So that's just, I guess, a little pastor bonus. Dudes, if you're not praying with your wives, do that and I'm convicting myself right now. I need to do more of that.

Chad Moore:
But there's a supernatural connection there. Then of course we call God Father. In the Lord's Prayer, the first thing that you do is, you don't focus on your feelings. You focus on the fact that God is your Father. Jesus said in Matthew 28:20, "He'll never leave us or forsake us. He's always with us to the very end of the age," right? It's a done deal. Instead of allowing our feelings to overwhelm us, we change our focus to the facts of God's word, that he's our Father and we remember the presence of God. This is one of the reasons why I'm teaching the church to pray come Holy Spirit with your palms up, just receive and experience his presence.

Robert Watson:
Now, we're so used to this prayer. Even people maybe who are newer to church, they've heard this prayer or football teams before they went on the field.

Chad Moore:
Yeah. I did that as a kid.

Robert Watson:
Yeah. They prayed this prayer, "For thine is the kingdom and the power of the glory forever. Amen. Let's go crush them," you know? And they'd go out on the field.

Chad Moore:
"Let's go wipe out the enemy."

Robert Watson:
But we're so used to it. We're so familiar. When Jesus is first saying this on the Sermon on the Mount, it's revolutionary.

Chad Moore:
Oh, it's mind-blowing that he would call it God Father.

Robert Watson:
Yeah. And for that community. So talk about-

Chad Moore:
That's one of the reasons why they put him on the cross.

Robert Watson:
Yeah. So this is-

Chad Moore:
Oh, it is the reason, actually.

Robert Watson:
We miss that because we're so used to it. But this is unheard of in the ancient near East of them going, "Wait, we're going to call God what?"

Chad Moore:
Yeah. Well, here's how we're getting the Lord's Prayer wrong. A bunch of people are saying it, but nobody's really praying it, right? So we say it. It's a special thing. You mentioned the football games. I'm from Texas. We prayed before the football games. So everybody saying it. Nobody's praying it. To pray it is to step into this reality that, our Father hallowed is his name. The holy almighty supreme being of the universe has loved me enough to adopt me into his family, by the grace of Jesus and receiving Him into my life, to the extent that I can call him Abba Father the way Jesus did. Everybody's saying it. Nobody's really praying it. I mean, right now, I've got goosebumps sitting here and talking about it. But just the reality that almighty God loves you. Almighty god loves me.

Chad Moore:
When we talk about loneliness, again, we're not talking about being by ourself. We're talking about a feeling. Some of the most powerful moments in my life, I was by myself, but I was not alone.

Robert Watson:
That's right. Yeah.

Chad Moore:
Because God was with me in the woods by the campfire, and I've never felt more loved, never felt more connected, and there wasn't anybody within 20 miles of where I was sitting. So, our Father in heaven.

Robert Watson:
Yeah.

Chad Moore:
Who loves us.

Robert Watson:
My greatest moments of connection, relational intimacy have been in the wilderness, have been just me and God taking a moment, taking time out from the chaos, the busy-ness, all of that, and what would look like me just sitting there in isolation was actually me experiencing some of the deepest relationship I've ever experienced in my life.

Chad Moore:
Yeah. It's a little bit of heaven in the real world. If I live to be 500 years old, that kind of moment would always be part of who I am. So you can be by yourself and yet not alone. Just like you can also be with your family at a family reunion and yet never felt so alone. So it's really a state of being internally, and the first step out of it is to remember the presence of God and that he's our Father.

Robert Watson:
Yeah. So you used a term that we don't normally use. Hallowed.

Chad Moore:
Hallowed.

Robert Watson:
Yeah. Yeah. If you grew up in church, we always put 'ed' at the end of it. Explain that word. The significance of Jesus, again, He's teaching us a framework and He's giving us this principle.

Chad Moore:
Yeah. There's a Reverend... I mean, you were calling me Reverend earlier, which you never said that before. We don't really do titles at Sun Valley. I'm just Chad. There's a reverence to the word hallowed and this may even be, and just to confess this, this may be a mistake I've made in my teaching because I'm so wanting to get across, God wants an intimate relationship with you. Of course, the word there for father is Abba. It's Aramaic. It's what Jesus would have called God the Father, and the best translation we have is daddy. But it's more reverent than that. We don't have, really, a good translation. So it's not like, "Hey, God is my buddy. Hey buddy, old pal"

Robert Watson:
Yeah. "Jesus is my homeboy."

Chad Moore:
Yeah. No, it's not that. It's this reverence that I have for the almighty God and this gratitude that I have that I can call him Abba. It's my Father is the King, the most powerful being in the world, and yet, even though He might be in a meeting when I go and tug on his pant leg or whatever, He still gives me His attention. So it's not a lack of reverence because hallowed is his name. It's the reality of the grace that we have in Jesus. That's what's being emphasized.

Robert Watson:
Yeah. There's a posture to this prayer, too, where God gets bigger and bigger in our minds. Not that... He is God, but just for us to frame our minds around the fact that yes, he is holy. He is set apart. It's about His name. It's about His kingdom. It's about His will. That this prayer Jesus is teaching us to submit ourselves to God, but then also to know that we're dearly loved and welcomed into His family.

Chad Moore:
Well, there is... And here's the other side of that coin. You nailed it. Here's the other side of that coin. Nothing will make you feel more lonely than self-absorption. Nothing will make you more depressed than being selfish and self-absorbed because all you focus on is you. What you don't have, how life is not going right, how somebody is not loving you. When I'm paying attention to what somebody is not doing for me, all it does is separate us and I feel more and more lonely. But when I pay attention to the positive and what's happening, it turns that around. When we say, "Our Father," and we get our mind around the reality of the amazing grace of God, it sets us in a place where now we're receiving love.

Chad Moore:
We're receiving what we desperately need and it shakes us out of loneliness. That's the depth, right? On some level. I mean, we hadn't even got close to the bottom of it, but that's the depth of that first principle in the Lord's Prayer. Our Father in heaven, who is holy and yet Abba God, Abba my Father. It's mind-blowing.

Robert Watson:
Yeah. Well, we're running out of time here. I just want to ask one practical question. So if somebody right now, they're listening and they're watching and they're like, "Hey, I'm feeling lonely." What's one thing they can do right now to help them on a journey, on a path, to break free from that?

Chad Moore:
Yeah. I would encourage you bluntly, and this is not because I'm anything special, but I gave four things this past weekend that are all in the Bible, four things you can do to help with loneliness. So I'll give one of the four. So the first one we've already mentioned. Remembering the presence of God. The second one is I just said, avoid the pity party. We have got to, and I think I got this line from you, Robert, we've got to think about what we're thinking about. The Bible tells us to take our thoughts captive. Feelings aren't facts, and what we focus on is what we move towards. A pity party just takes you deeper and deeper and deeper into it. I gave two other things to help pull you out of it from this past weekend.

Chad Moore:
So listen to the sermon. But I would say, think about what you're thinking about. Remember what you focus on is very powerful, which is why Jesus gets our mind right at the beginning of that prayer. The most Holy God loves you, cares for you. You can call him Father and you are not alone.

Robert Watson:
That's good. I think that's a good landing point for us.

Chad Moore:
Got it from Jesus.

Robert Watson:
I was going to ask you some random question-

Chad Moore:
[crosstalk 00:00:21:50].

Robert Watson:
... but I think we'll end on that instead.

Chad Moore:
You're going to end serious?

Robert Watson:
Yeah.

Chad Moore:
Okay.

Robert Watson:
I asked you about your scar at the beginning, so I feel like we're-

Chad Moore:
Yeah. That's true. Everybody's so fascinated and interested in that.

Robert Watson:
Fun facts about Chad. Well, thanks guys for joining us for the podcast and we'll see you on the next episode.

Chad Moore:
Yeah. Thanks for being with us.

Speaker 1:
Thanks for joining us this week on the Loving God, Loving People podcast. Make sure to subscribe to our podcast wherever you're listening to us so you'll never miss an episode. While you're at it, if you found value in this conversation, we'd love it if you left us a review or shared this podcast with a friend. Doing that will help us reach and help more people meet, know and follow Jesus. And lastly, you're always welcome to join us online or in person for one of our services every week at live.sv.cc. Thanks for joining us.